I just returned from a 2 hour drive in a School Bus. An American bus, for that matter. One would expect the experience to be pleasant and spacious, right? I mean, that`s what school buses are supposed to offer. Their built around the idea of either three kids to a seat or two grown ups. That`s it. Well, someone seemed to have miss interpreted the owners manual when they sent these things down to Central America. Because, Guats have a completely different understanding of what proper packing and loading is! They seem to think, and get away with the idea, that a School bus (down here known as a Chicken Bus) is built to handle as many people as can fit. What this essentially means is, pack as many people onto a bench seat as possible, and then, when the bench seats are filled, either sit in the aisle, or if the bus is too packed, start standing.
I was not one of the unfortunates who was standing (if I were, I`d probably be visiting the chiropractor as apposed to writing this) but I did do what I considered smart.
I`m a tall guy, and as such, have long legs. This particular combination doesn´t really compute in the world of Chicken Buses. In the states, if one sees a tall guy, they`ll normally point and go ¨oh, poor guy, he`s already taken over a whole seat; those legs will not fit into a tight corner, so, there is no way an additional person can get onto the seat¨. Though, here in Central America, they think ¨oh, there´s a tall person, taking up valuable space, they should be able to survive by crushing their legs up into the back of the other seat!¨. So, because of the unkind and unnatural belief that they posses, as people started asking to sit with me, I ensured I was at the end- this way, at least one of my legs had free access to the aisle.
The action was presumed brilliance for at least two minutes. That was, until others boarded and my free aisle access transitioned into me kneeing someone in the back. And, even worse, was the fact that my shoulders (which I appreciate and enjoy) are broader then most in Central America. Meaning, that it is impossible for three to sit fully on the bench. So, with one butt cheek on my seat and the other drifting into Never Never Land I extended much effort to avoid slipping with each and every turn. That was, until my savior, Ass man appeared.
Imagine for a moment, that you are on a school bus, every inch of it is packed- even the baggage racks. Creating an issue where people standing are forced to hold their heavy loads. Now, imagine you are a bus driver. Would you...
A: Continue to stop for others and just tell them to squeeze into the bus?
B: Realize the discomfort of your paying passengers and just let those not on the bus wait for the next?
*****If you answered B, then you`re not a Capitalist!
What our bus driver did was A. And the decision led me to my savior, ass man.
Now I should preface that given a normal circumstance, I`d be incredibly irritated having an ass on my back, especially one that was sweaty and started stinking, but in the current situation, the ass was the only thing that kept me from falling off my seat. So, when ass man appeared, and turned his hack to me, effectively using me as a but rest, I wasn`t too irritated. Because he was doing me a favor. Sure, there were times when I`d get a little antsy, and think the ass was incredibly obnoxious- those were normally when the heat of his ass was so intense that my back would start sweating. But, then I`d think:
Arin, you can`t have it both ways. You either appreciate the ass, or you suffer the slip and slide of the seat for the next 1 - hours...
Oh, one last thing, I forgot to mention that this was all going on at 5:00am... Again, I really have started to hate Chicken Buses.
During a goodbye night for some friends who were departing Xela, a group of us decided to go to a bar named Koko Loco`s. The place was quite quiet- That was, until we showed up. Chili, who owns the club came over and began passing out cowboy hats. Not sure what was in the hats, but immediately, a transition worthy of Superman came over our senses. What did we do? To what type of music... Well, we started dancing around. First in a line-dance formation, and then we began Square Dancing; and initially, this was done to music that would have insulted any true Country aficionado. But quickly, they put on Mexican Country to complement the mood.
